Finding a new normal

With all the changes we have had the last month, the girls and I are trying to find a new normal. Its not as easy as it sounds. I want to go on living life and try to be happy not only for myself but also Jacob and my kids. I want to feel whole again and happy again. But I am having a hard time with that.
I try to find fun things to do with Kaytlin and Gracie. Some days are better than others. I did put them both in gymnastics!! Which by the way they LOVED. As much as they said they did not want to go, I am so glad that I made them. They had a ton of fun last night. So now every Tuesday we will be at gymnastics!! Now if I could just find something fun for me to do.. Not as easy. There are so many things that I wanna do, but just cant seem to make myself. Like bows.. Hello I LOVE TO MAKE BOWS and scrap booking. But I find the energy I need to do it. I hope this will pass soon.
I have had a few more better days now if me and my nights could just get a long a little better it would be nice. I go to bed and I just lay there and toss and turn all night long. Do you know how fast 5:45am comes. Way to fast for me.. I have been a lot better at getting up and exercising, with the hope that I will pass out at night. So far it has been a no go. Oh well.
So we thought we were done with the whole Grandma thing, but we went back to court again today. I am so sick of this!! I don't know if I can handle all the stress from this with Jake being gone. He is my rock.. I feel so lost right now..  I'm trying to hold it together, but its hard with out my other half!! But I know I can do this and I know that I have to!!
I am so proud of you Jake!! Your an amazing person. The best hubby and father in the world!! I love and miss you so much Jacob!!