Missing You.

It's 9:30 at night and all I can think about it you. What are you doing?? What are you thinking?? Oh how I wish I could just pick up the phone and call you. When I am feeling sad or lonely your the one I think of. The one that can make everything OK... And it sucks. I am here crying totally missing you and can't do a thing about it. Grrrr I don't like not being able to control things like how I feel.. I think of you or someone asks about you and I lose it. i know I have always worn my heart on my sleeve but its never been this bad. I know this is going to make us stronger, but I am so ready for this to be all over. I have been having really good days, but seeing you on Skype tore me up. I miss you so bad. I just really need a hug from you to know that it really is going to be OK. I mean I know it will be OK, but I could still use the comforting. I don't know how I am going to do once you leave the country. I am scared because I know we wont talk as much and the texts I look forward to everyday wont happen anymore. I can feel myself shutting down and that is the one thing I promised I would not to, but I feel so lost. I just wish time would go a little faster. I think the holidays is what really has me down, I cant believe your not going to be here. We will get through it like we do everyday with a smile on our faces. We will take tons of pics to send you so you can be part of the day the best you can. I have already got your Christmas box started. I do better when I have things to plan, small (but big) things to look forward to. Makes it seem like the time is going by faster. But I am doing good, we are all doing good. As good as we can. We are a very strong, close, happy family who can make it through anything!! This is just one small year in a lifetime of love and happiness. Forever for always no matter what. I love you Jacob!